2 Years Approaching

So, it's been a while since I posted something, but I have been accumulating future posts in my brain hoping for the time to make them sound really smart and chic. HA HA HA! Time- what a joke! Instead of stock piling for later eloquent discourse- here is what has been percolating in my noggin:

- Grad School is wonderful! I love school and want to be paid to learn. :) Anyone else want to join me? Thank you God for nurturing our minds.


- What about worshipping God, walking with God with Pure Love, Pure Faith and Pure Hope as St. Theophan mentions? This is serious business and means dieing to myself in a way I haven't really wanted to explore... but the hardest step is the first and each day I am taking it! I want to worship God, love God, connect with God for WHO He is and not just WHAT He does or doesn't do for me. More to come on this topic...

- Is God ever NOT "doing"? Isn't He ALWAYS pouring forth His Love, Beauty, Goodness, Grace, and Salvation to all of Humanity all the TIME? And furthermore, isn't He every moment of every day giving us HIMSELF in His Son, Jesus? This is powerful stuff to take in... really take in. I think if I REALLY believed this, I would live sooo very differently and far more FREE!



And Tuesday is the 2 year anniversary of my beautiful Mother's death. Still weird typing those words. Still feels like I am writing about another's loss- not my own. And yet, this past year, has been the hardest for me- much more permanent. Much more REAL. She is GONE (not in St. Louis or Door County or Iowa visiting dear friends and family.) And I can't call her, cuddle into her warm body, hold her sweet veiny hands, smell her skin, or be seen by her beautiful hazel eyes that went right to my soul and affirmed my being. I have LOST much in her and carry a sorrow in my soul... but the Beauty of it all is that Christ trampled down death by death! And God is showing me that He is my Life (not my family, not my relationships, not my externals) and Rock. And that it is possible to live this life with pain, loss, holes and still have joy, still marvel at the Beauty all around, still laugh till your sides ache, still love till it's hard to breathe and still let go of it all if Your Father allows or asks this. I have realized in a gut-level way that Life (and the Christian Life) is not about happiness or comforts or dreams come true or even really good, noble things you want to happen working out... but saying Yes to our Father, His Son and the Holy Spirit and trusting (working out that salvation with fear, trembling, crying, cursing even at times) that He is far more invested in our True Being (Theosis- for those that are willing to entertain such a preposterous idea) than even we are... and in Him we are Home.

Thank you for reading!

Lenten Hope

Wow, I am so full right now.  No, not food-full, but God-doing-so-many-things-in-my-life-full.  I feel the need for a long nap and a dimly lit quiet room where I can slowly absorb all the mercy and beauty. 

First off, I want to share how God has been blessing The GreenClean Maid:  I gained 3 new clients early this week, a potential 4th client whom I still have yet to meet with, mentoring and networking help from the President of the Warrenville Chamber of Commerce as well as a highly respected, successful, business savvy real estate broker!  I am so thankful, God is providing for me through this young business... and really He has always been providing- it is just a matter of whether I have had eyes to see it. 

Patricia Haskins is not only the beloved mother of my boyfriend, David, but the exceptionally talented and successful President of the Warrenville Chamber.  She and I met up this week to brainstorm ways I can network further and build the business, I hadn't really considered expanding beyond myself- but I am open to the Lord's leading.  

Currently, I am not at capacity yet, so I have no plans to take on anyone at this point, but green cleaning is an open market and could very well blossom (no pun intended).  I would love to be a  part of spreading the green word and blessing homes all over the Western Suburbs with the gift of greenclean!  We will just have to wait and see what our Father has up his sleeve!   

Along with this Patrick Roach of Modo Real Estate is a church acquaintance and now mentor and friend.  He gave me such great advice and coaching, I am so grateful for the Church and how God brings people together.  Not only did he offer to meet up again for another coaching session, but he is going to put my info on his website because up until now he doesn't have any house cleaners he refers people to!  Holy Cow!  This is an exceptional blessing (one I didn't expect) because Patrick is greatly successful (even now) and all due to word of mouth.   

So at this point, I am excited, energized and training for this adventure (especially since running a business is completely new and intimidating).  Please thank the Lord with me for His faithfulness in this way and continue to pray for further guidance and opportunity!

Secondly, I am so thankful and blessed by Rez, she is more and more beautiful to me.  I have been praying with a new sister, Kristan (K-Pob), each week which is greatly transforming me into a faithful woman!  Something about praying in community draws out what you considered too weak and not good enough.  Praying with K-Pob not only has given me a new and dear friend, but an accountability to and reminder of my First Love.  In addition to this, Barbara G, my most recent spiritual mother,  and I met again this past week for spiritual mentoring and prayer.  She is such a huge gift to me and the Church, not to mention her husband as well.  I am exceedingly grateful and encouraged by her faith, wisdom, knowledge, solidarity, humility, service, prayer, encouragement, gentleness and love especially through this dark season.  She mentioned to me, that my mom is a saint and missionary right now as she endures cancer and chemo and cares for her sick patients in the hospital.  Because just as Jesus suffered and can meet us in our suffering, so too can she meet those suffering.  It is only God's economy and God's beauty and God's love that keeps me together...really.

Thirdly, I am beyond words thankful for my mother.  She is my own personal saint.  Now more than ever am I honored to be her daughter.  She is working full-time learning this new float nursing position for adult patients, most of which are geriatric and on their death beds.  Her bald cute head covered with a cap, and sparkly eyes, and warm smile ministering love to these weak, bed-ridden elderly is a manifestation of Christ conquering darkness.  Here she is with metastasized breast cancer, weakened by chemo, sore from medication, tirelessly working to provide for my dad, sister, nephew, and brother, and me.  My anger, confusion, frustration and despair over this seemingly dire circumstance is being transformed into more openness, faith, trust, and love for God than I ever thought I would have, but so greatly longed for.  I have prayed for years for deeper intimacy with the Trinity, and I see now how these years of struggle are growing exactly that.  I wouldn't pray for cancer, or even thank Him for it, but I will pray "to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death" and I will thank Him for His faithfulness in "getting me there" (because I am not "there" yet).  But I am on my way, running the race set before me, saying "Yes" to Jesus, and letting go, Thy will be done.

And finally, I just attended the CORE Retreat today for membership to Rez, somehow long overdue, but perfect in its timing:)  The Retreat was unexpectedly revealing, inspiring, exciting, healing and wonderfully convicting.  This is largely why I am so "full".  Because God's work, really His Presence is more than I can fully comprehend or absorb, it is overflowing in Life and Beauty and Freedom and Joy.  The entire membership process has been uniquely special to me, for now more than ever do I need to knit myself into the fabric of the Church, the beautiful tapestry of Saints and Martyrs, Apostles and Prophets... because it is through Their leadership, intercession, suffering and testimony that my gaze is drawn from myself to My Lord.  This is my Lenten discipline, evermore my eyes on Jesus, evermore my gaze into Love.

Praise Him.

With Lenten hope,

Bethany