Happy Myrrh-Bearing Women Day!

I just got back from church, St. George Orthodox Church, of the Antiochian Archdiocese of North America. I have been going there since I got into town April 22. My first visit there was Easter Vigil and Pascha on Sunday. The community there has welcomed me in as one of their own, I feel very blessed and accepted there even though I am not Orthodox. Not only do they send me home with delicious food each Sunday, but they encourage my inquiry and welcome my presence with their families. Having such a vibrant church community is really life-giving.

Conversion to Orthodoxy has never been my goal (although I am entirely open to wherever God leads me), rather I am meeting God in Orthodoxy. I sense His Presence in a very magnificent way in reading Bishop Kallistos' The Orthodox Way and in the Divine Liturgy of St. John Chrysostom. I didn't anticipate being so taken, but after an epic conversation with David and Daniel, who converted to Orthodoxy a few years ago, my appetite was wet and I simply can't get enough. I have three working metaphors for describing my experience thus far in educating myself on Church history and Orthodoxy:

1. I am in a dark, dusty room, crouched down and the only light is a sliver sneaking through think curtains. Sitting there, I know there must be more light, but I have no idea how to illuminate the room. I am depressed, despairing of my dark existence, and losing hope even in the line of light I can see. Then suddenly, a shadowy figure flies open the curtains with a momentous force and beautiful, warm sunlight fills the room as I peer out the window to see a lush, green, mountainous valley of earth before me. As I am stunned and soaking up the beauty infront of me, I realize that the curtains are not fully drawn- that in fact, there is no end to the window and the curtains will never be fully drawn. The view before me is without end. This describes best how I am feeling about the greatness, mysteriousness, beauty and eternality of God.
2. My faith was a sidewalk I had been traveling on since childhood and for some reason, it suddenly ended. Literally, the sidewalk just stopped and I paused there asking, "Am I supposed to turn around?" I was completely stumped and disillusioned, where the sidewalk ends is a book of poems... not my faith! This describes how I have felt for the past few years, craving more depth, history and theology.
3. This next one, I can't take full credit for because David thought of it, but it is helpful in illuminating how I feel about mainstream Protestant Evangelicalism vs Orthodox sacramentalism: Its as if I have been furiously swimming in a puddle, trying so hard to make waves and enjoy myself in this... puddle. And then someone takes me to the beach and I am introduced to the ocean. And I really learn how to swim. And I really enjoy myself in the waves.

Really, the most important part of my intrigue in Orthodoxy is that I am experiencing God loving me, wooing me through the prayers, liturgy, community and theology. Praise has returned to my soul... after a long hiatus. Without sounding too "charismanic", the truth is setting me free. I am not sure quite how, but I am sensing the Lord's continuous truth setting me free from lies I have believed about Him. I don't know where these lies came from, but I have been believing lies about God and man- and the more I educate myself on the early Church Fathers' apprehending of God... the more I feel His Presence and am in awe of Him. My educational inquiry quickly becomes a spiritually devotional experience.

So, for now I am in no rush to convert, but I feel as though my heart is Orthodox already. I used to feel like God was strong-arming me into the faith, as if He was saying "Either bow to me or I will break your back." That is a distant memory now, I no longer feel this way- rather I feel celebrated, adored and beloved of God. I am feeling more and more the doting of a proud Father on His precious daughter. Rather than guilted, manipulated, feared into salvation- I am given life eternal, abounding sustinence, and perfect love from The Source of all life and goodness. The fear of oppression and lack of liberty crumbles in the face of this perfect love because it is entirely free and only in this freedom am I called to live and worship. God is so good. For this, I love Him.

Well, Happy Mother's Day to all the women out there- Mother or not... and to my Mom, Bonnie and sister Hannah! I love you.

Here is the link to the title :)

Peace,