How Jesus came to my home

Christ's Gift of Love

Yesterday we celebrated the birth in time of our eternal King. Today we celebrate the triumphant suffering of his soldier.

Yesterday our king, clothed in his robe of flesh, left his place in the virgin’s womb and graciously visited the world. Today his soldier leaves the tabernacle of his body and goes triumphantly to heaven.

Our king, despite his exalted majesty, came in humility for our sake; yet he did not come empty-handed. He brought his soldiers a great gift that not only enriched them but also made them unconquerable in battle, for it was the gift of love, which was to bring men to share in his divinity. He gave of his bounty, yet without any loss to himself. In a marvellous way he changed into wealth the poverty of his faithful followers while remaining in full possession of his own inexhaustible riches.

And so the love that brought Christ from heaven to earth raised Stephen from earth to heaven; shown first in the king, it later shone forth in his soldier. Love was Stephen’s weapon by which he gained every battle, and so won the crown signified by his name. His love of God kept him from yielding to the ferocious mob; his love for his neighbour made him pray for those who were stoning him. Love inspired him to reprove those who erred, to make them amend; love led him to pray for those who stoned him, to save them from punishment. Strengthened by the power of his love, he overcame the raging cruelty of Saul and won his persecutor on earth as his companion in heaven. In his holy and tireless love he longed to gain by prayer those whom he could not convert by admonition.

Now at last, Paul rejoices with Stephen, with Stephen he delights in the glory of Christ, with Stephen he exalts, with Stephen he reigns. Stephen went first, slain by the stones thrown by Paul, but Paul followed after, helped by the prayer of Stephen. This, surely, is the true life, my brothers, a life in which Paul feels no shame because of Stephen’s death, and Stephen delights in Paul’s companionship, for love fills them both with joy. It was Stephen’s love that prevailed over the cruelty of the mob, and it was Paul’s love that covered the multitude of his sins; it was love that won for both of them the kingdom of heaven.

Love, indeed, is the source of all good things; it is an impregnable defence,- and the way that leads to heaven. He who walks in love can neither go astray nor be afraid: love guides him, protects him, and brings him to his journey’s end.

My brothers, Christ made love the stairway that would enable all Christians to climb to heaven. Hold fast to it, therefore, in all sincerity, give one another practical proof of it, and by your progress in it, make your ascent together.

Fulgentius of Ruspe (462-527)

This was sent to me in an email from a beloved couple at our church. I read it just now and had to post it to my blog because it so eloquently describes what I sense God revealing to me this Advent.

Christmas was very difficult this year as we are facing a long road ahead of fighting this cancer battle with my mom. And as if that wasn't enough, my dad's health is also in jeopardy, my parents may be facing bankruptcy, I am terribly in debt and unemployed myself, and there is painful dysfunction eating away at our family relationships. I fought hard yesterday to not sink in despair.

I sat at our Rez's Christmas Vigil service with tears streaming down my face as I silently prayed, "God, where is your salvation in all of this? What does it look like, I don't want to miss it?" Surrounded by sickness of both the body, mind and soul within myself and my loved ones, I feel disheartened wondering where our faith in this Savior really gets us.

Father Stewart preached how sin is more than just making bad decisions, but it is bondage of our soul- it is non-existence. And that is exactly what I am most grieved by at this time. Death is imminent for all of us, but living in death is our choice. He told the assembly that Christ has come to our Home this day, and on my way home, I cried on the phone to David "I would love for Jesus to come to my house today."

Wanting so much for Jesus to rescue my family and me from our lies, sinful reactions, dysfunction and illness in this lifetime where He suddenly changes, transformes us into His image and we can love eachother selflessly the rest of our days- I despair because He does not promise this. His salvation, to my dismay, is not turning us into Righteous little Robots, rather His promise is to transform us into His image as much as we really, truly want Him to. As much of our dead selves we give Him, He will be faithful to enliven. And of course, this means, we fight the hard fight, we run the race and we ardusouly climb to our Ascent.

In a prayer, I wrote to God about my anger towards my family members, how they have gone wrong over the years, hurt me and each other, and what I long for them to do instead. After I got all of that off my chest, I wrote this:

I grieve more than just the cancer- I grieve the sin, dysfunction, and lies… I grieve the bondage my family is in. Father please show me how I can break free? Please show me how I can be a breath of fresh FREE air to each member of my family. How I can kidnap them to experience LIFE, truth and freedom from the sin that entangles their soul.

Father, my eyes are on You for righteousness- in repentance of going astray. Of my own sin, my own narcissism, and all the moments I have taken my gaze from You to the waves beneath me, dark water rising to me, and storm overtaking me… forgive me for my unrepentant heart these years, for blaming You, for being so consumed with my problems and needs that I refused to worship, to really see You, to really submit to You, and to really receive from You. I have withheld myself from You because of what was going on around me for I felt You had betrayed me.

I sense now more than ever that my despair over these years is really my own doing- that had I become a student of Christ, (practically spent time in His word), had I become a worshipper of Christ (however tearful, angry and confused), had I become a truster and cross-bearer of Christ (however fearful) I would not have wrestled God so much and wound up with years of depression. My resistance to submission, repentance, and worship brought me to despair- I blamed You for everything because You were supposed to save us from ourselves, rescue me, and make me happy.

I didn’t think the way to rescue was saying “yes” to You, the cross, suffering, and dieing to my flesh… I didn’t get that saying “yes” to You meant trusting You no matter what, meant loving You no matter what, meant discovering that in loving I am truly fulfilled and more happy than anything. That it is in loving that I am truly set free! That it is in loving those that hurt me, in loving those that disappoint me, in loving those that do not return love, in loving You who I fear isn’t real, in loving You when I am anxiously doubtful, in loving You when I am confused, angry and feel mislead, in loving David when I am angry, ashamed, and feel not good enough, in loving my sister when she is like darkness to my soul, in loving through the suffering of life, cancer, sin, lies and pain that I am set free from my own sin, emptiness, narcissism, unhappiness, and despair- that love heals a multitude of sins. That in loving all, I conquer all because Christ is in me, and I in Him.

I am sorry I have got it wrong these years- I am so sorry I have been so conditional with You- I am so sorry I have not loved You, I have felt entitled to happiness, a good life, and fulfillment- that You put me here and are required to ensure these things for me… when in reality You are not at all. But because You are love- You want more than anything to bring me happiness, goodness, and fulfillment- and You do, God. You do, God. You are my fulfillment in so many ways- because You take my eyes off myself and put them onto Your beauty, and I am so loved. Because I am not filled with my self, my feeble means, but rather Your Being, Your Glory and Your Life. I was meant to be filled with You, that which is so far Other than me, but so deeply loves me and so completely sustains me. That which is my very existence.

If everything were perfect and easy, I know I would be bored and long for a fight- because it is when we fight for something that we love it all the more, because we gave ourselves to it, we invested, we bore our souls, we were vulnerable and we cultivated an intimacy that is otherwise unknown- we have shared something of ourselves… love is not precious without a corresponding amount of pain for otherwise it would not be love. For love longs for Holiness, and Holiness requires a battle, blood even, because Holiness is Other from us and we have to fight for it. I think we are wired to fight for righteousness, perhaps through the Holy Spirit we are tweaked for battle, desiring of the arduous climb of our Ascent- unrelenting in our pursuit of God for we have this inkling that in His Presence we will be made new and given eternal life.

I share this with you because this is how Jesus has come to my Home this Advent 2008. He hasn't waved his magic cross wand and cured my family and me of our sin or healed anyone of their diseases- rather He has opened my eyes to life eternal in this lifetime, He has lifted my chin to gaze into Jesus eyes.

I told David yesterday that I am sensing more and more that life is really all about loving rather than being happy, dodging disaster, or surviving death- that it is loving others that I am truly fullfilled and ascend as Fulgentius so eloquently described.

This love, given freely, is inherently a painful blessing- for it brings me both joy and grief. And yet, I would not want to be anywhere else during this Advent than bearing this cross of love, just as Mary bore our God of Love.

May this Advent stir in Your hearts to wait evermore on our Lord and Savior as it has for me.

Peace and Merry Christmas!

Bethany

Awful of me, I know. I haven't posted to my blog in months. I am a sorry excuse for a blogger. Please forgive me, blogging gods and readers. Alas, I have returned, the prodigal blogger in an effort to better communicate with my community and contemplate together.

So the other night, David and I went to our dear friends house, Brian and Audra to celebrate the birth of their beautiful second son, Judah Kane. He was a week old and so precious while little brother Keenan, a little perplexed at all the attention given one so small and still. I surprised Keenan with a Tickle-Me-Elmo that brought a big grin, but by bed-time Elmo was on the floor with Keenan stepping on him to be quiet.

Besides being amazed at what great parents, Brian and Audra are with their patience, love and calm- I was really blessed by something they said in passing. Having Dr. Rossi as their pediatrician and obstetrician at Home First in Schaumburg, they were encouraged by him to "not to do anything for a child, that he can do for himself." This got me thinking... of course.

I walked out the door with this little pin-prick of a thought, "perhaps that is also how God is with us?" And it perfectly wraps up in a nutshell the truth planted in me this summer and that which I am living in.

God has spoken so much to me these past 7 months in Cedar Rapids, all lovingly pushing me out of the spiritual nest so to speak to fly on my own. And I have resisted, and resisted and begged for Him to carry me- to do the work for me. And His response to me has been "this is your salvation, Bethany, to step forward when everything in you says otherwise, to say "yes" to me when you're not even sure I am there."

I think just as a parent takes so much pride in their child's first steps, first words, even first poop in the potty- so does God (not the pooping part, of course). I really sense that He is proud of our fighting for our faith, when we have nothing left and choose to believe in Him- when we are disappointed and worship still, when we are grieved and choose to dance in His beauty, and when we are exasperated and choose to love.

With the terrible news of my mom's breast cancer metastatizing to her liver, ribs and spinal vertebrae- I look to Christ who conquered death by death. I am deeply comforted by Christ death in a way I have never been, and what a thing to say during Advent! The disciples were devastated, lost faith and utterly confused- while here I am rejoicing at His death because of His triumphant Resurrection, because our God not only knows death- but He has died, He has ventured to that darkness unbeknownst to us and come out victorious. I sense the Father saying to me, "Bethany, I have death covered, it is not too much for me to handle." And I want to take Him up on this, to trust Him with not only the death of my loved ones- but their lives too, my life too. That just as he can handle death, so He is able to walk me victoriously through this life.

And so that is what I am doing this Advent- saying "yes" to Him, believing in the darkness of life that He does love me and my family to the highest degree- that we have all His love, all the time- we have but, to look up and out, to speak aloud his promises, and turn our eyes to receive our inheritance with the saints.

Peace to you this Advent!

Crunchy Cons and HTML

The second installment of the house.

The third...

I just started reading this great book, Crunchy Cons: How Birkenstocked Burkeans, gun-loving organic gardeners, evangelical free-range farmers, hip homeschooling mamas, right-wing nature lovers, and their diverse tribe of countercultural conservatives plan to save America (or at least the Republican Party). I am loving it and I am only on page 16! Perhaps I am a Crunchy Con. Anyone read it, please share your thoughts? Anyone Crunchy (#2 definition)?


If any fellow bloggers out there need some help, don't hesitate to comment below (at the bottom of each post is a "Comments" link in really small type, click on this and you can then ask away.) The website where I found the html script is here.

Peace,

The PheTOMenon

So I miss David a lot, this 90 day break is testing my strength. I spoke with a good friend today, Suzie B, she laughed as I told her how much I miss him because she had just talked to him about 2o min earlier and he told her exactly the same thing about me! :) This makes me happy.

I embeded two short documentaries, Chris, a good friend, put together of Tom. Tom is this great guy that David takes care of, and really is best friends with. I love Tom, he is family.

Peace,

Escape at all costs!

I work with this wonderful woman, Sue, who is training me in my position. She is from the area originally, but just recently moved here from California. She, like my mom, has battled breast cancer and been betrayed by an employer. She is a believer and said that her faith got her through. But it is devastating to her heart, mind and spirit.

Then, I also heard about John Fawcett, back home at church (Church of the Resurrection) and how his battle with cancer is going. And my heart is heavy with sadness, like the clouds are heavy with rain over these fields. I have been praying throughout the day for God to comfort and be with me, and I have sensed from Him that I just need to let myself feel these things. Feel this pain in and with His Presence. (Which as some of you may know, I hate pain and want to escape at all costs!)

At one point in the day, I had this experience where all this grief and suffering came rushing at me like a crashing wave set to destroy me, immediately I saw Christ, the Logos of God, with all His glory suffering on the cross. Even now as I write, tears come to my eyes because our God knows what it is to suffer! He knows what it is to die! He knows full well what it is to be disappointed, to hurt, to loose out, to be betrayed and wrongfully attacked. He really can empathize with us, He really can grieve with us. I believe that we cry because that is His own response. He shed the first tear, and He will wipe away the last.

What shall we do in the meantime? As we wait for the handkerchief of Heaven?
We shall worship.

We shall sing loudly, profoundly, mysteriously and reverently of the victory that we own and awaits. We shall proclaim with all the earth and heavens the glory of the Lord. We shall live as ministers, as the Royal Priesthood of the Most High King. We shall walk through the darkness of cancer, betrayal, missing a much loved boyfriend, and even death with the love and nearness of God propelling us forward. With His Truth setting us free, the Saints cheering us on, and the Spirit giving us song we will gallantly enter the final frontier more than conquerers. And then, we will see Him face-to-face.

Come Lord Jesus, Come!

Peace,

Not of guns and bombs

Well, I made it. Through my first day, I mean. It is as mind-numbing and boring as I thought, but oddly enough I am feeling okay about it. I know tomorrow when I start painting my nails with white out and re-enacting "Attack of the Clones" with paper clips, that I may think otherwise.

But really, I am feeling good about having a job where I have, as Vicki pointed out tonight, visable results. Besides, I do my job, make my money and leave it all behind. And I am thinking, that having a job which requires little energy will allow me to invest it elsewhere- in what I really am passionate about. Of course, it would be nice to work in my passion- but I am trusting God with this.

Speaking of trusting God, please pray for my family. My mom is out of work and as the main bread-winner this is scary. I don't want to get into too much of it here, you can talk to her about it, but really it is devastating. As if battling breast cancer this past year and my dad's disability wasn't enough!

Pray specifically, that God will open doors for her and my dad, that the truth will set them free from any lies or bondage of the enemy, that the love of God will pierce the fear, and that they will embrace their authority in Christ.

This is warfare, not of guns and bombs- but of the soul and spirit. And I keep coming back to the truth that God is Love- that in Him is no darkness, that He will not leave us high and dry, that He will not forsake us, for we are His Children- His precious Children. The following verse comes to mind:

God is our refuge and strength,
a very present help in trouble.
2Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,
though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,
3though its waters roar and foam,
though the mountains tremble at its swelling.
Selah
4There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy habitation of the Most High.
5God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved;
God will help her when morning dawns.
Psalm 46:1-5

At first as I read this, the beginning verse stuck out to me about the compassion of the Father, but then, as I continued reading, verses 4 and 5 really spoke to me. I don't know how theologically correct I am, but I just sensed that my mom, and really all believers are the "holy habitation of the Most High". He dwells within and among us, that we are in Him and He in us. This is the Church.

With that said, God is in the midst of us, we shall not be moved and God will help us when the morning dawns! As the Children of God- we are utterly safe in His love, protection, provision and strength. And that nothing... nothing, can mess with this- not even our failings, not even the harm inflicted upon us, and surely not even death.

Okay, so I will stop preaching. I just want to claim these promises on behalf of my mom- she is my hero, for she continues to stand firm in the faith that God is faithful, loving and sovereign.

Blessed be the name of the Lord on the road marked with suffering, though there's pain in the offering, Blessed be the name...


Peace,

View from the back porch

Here is a video I made yesterday afternoon:




I start my new job tomorrow, Monday. Honestly, I am grieving and nervous. I know it will be fine and nice to not be dirt poor, but I will miss all the perks of unemployment. If only I could get paid to contemplate and explore!

Alas, I will enter the ranks of a glorified copy girl. But I am thankful because I am making more than I was in Chicago! Which is really unheard of out here with the cost of living being lower. It is a blessing that I am grateful for!

I think what scares me the most about going back to full-time work... is exactly that, FULL-TIME WORK. I understand that I don't have any alternatives and that we all have to work to support ourselves- that isn't the problem. Lack of sunshine and fresh air is really my concern. Being cooped up in a cubicle making friends with paper clips and staples is my imminent demise. I know this may sound simplistic, traditional and unliberated, but it is the truth: I just really want to get married and be a mom. Vacuuming, making lunches, diapers, gardens, homework, spills and staring at an exhausted husband sounds like bliss to me:)


Happy 25th Birthday Suzie, sorry I couldn't be there!!


Peace,

Happy Myrrh-Bearing Women Day!

I just got back from church, St. George Orthodox Church, of the Antiochian Archdiocese of North America. I have been going there since I got into town April 22. My first visit there was Easter Vigil and Pascha on Sunday. The community there has welcomed me in as one of their own, I feel very blessed and accepted there even though I am not Orthodox. Not only do they send me home with delicious food each Sunday, but they encourage my inquiry and welcome my presence with their families. Having such a vibrant church community is really life-giving.

Conversion to Orthodoxy has never been my goal (although I am entirely open to wherever God leads me), rather I am meeting God in Orthodoxy. I sense His Presence in a very magnificent way in reading Bishop Kallistos' The Orthodox Way and in the Divine Liturgy of St. John Chrysostom. I didn't anticipate being so taken, but after an epic conversation with David and Daniel, who converted to Orthodoxy a few years ago, my appetite was wet and I simply can't get enough. I have three working metaphors for describing my experience thus far in educating myself on Church history and Orthodoxy:

1. I am in a dark, dusty room, crouched down and the only light is a sliver sneaking through think curtains. Sitting there, I know there must be more light, but I have no idea how to illuminate the room. I am depressed, despairing of my dark existence, and losing hope even in the line of light I can see. Then suddenly, a shadowy figure flies open the curtains with a momentous force and beautiful, warm sunlight fills the room as I peer out the window to see a lush, green, mountainous valley of earth before me. As I am stunned and soaking up the beauty infront of me, I realize that the curtains are not fully drawn- that in fact, there is no end to the window and the curtains will never be fully drawn. The view before me is without end. This describes best how I am feeling about the greatness, mysteriousness, beauty and eternality of God.
2. My faith was a sidewalk I had been traveling on since childhood and for some reason, it suddenly ended. Literally, the sidewalk just stopped and I paused there asking, "Am I supposed to turn around?" I was completely stumped and disillusioned, where the sidewalk ends is a book of poems... not my faith! This describes how I have felt for the past few years, craving more depth, history and theology.
3. This next one, I can't take full credit for because David thought of it, but it is helpful in illuminating how I feel about mainstream Protestant Evangelicalism vs Orthodox sacramentalism: Its as if I have been furiously swimming in a puddle, trying so hard to make waves and enjoy myself in this... puddle. And then someone takes me to the beach and I am introduced to the ocean. And I really learn how to swim. And I really enjoy myself in the waves.

Really, the most important part of my intrigue in Orthodoxy is that I am experiencing God loving me, wooing me through the prayers, liturgy, community and theology. Praise has returned to my soul... after a long hiatus. Without sounding too "charismanic", the truth is setting me free. I am not sure quite how, but I am sensing the Lord's continuous truth setting me free from lies I have believed about Him. I don't know where these lies came from, but I have been believing lies about God and man- and the more I educate myself on the early Church Fathers' apprehending of God... the more I feel His Presence and am in awe of Him. My educational inquiry quickly becomes a spiritually devotional experience.

So, for now I am in no rush to convert, but I feel as though my heart is Orthodox already. I used to feel like God was strong-arming me into the faith, as if He was saying "Either bow to me or I will break your back." That is a distant memory now, I no longer feel this way- rather I feel celebrated, adored and beloved of God. I am feeling more and more the doting of a proud Father on His precious daughter. Rather than guilted, manipulated, feared into salvation- I am given life eternal, abounding sustinence, and perfect love from The Source of all life and goodness. The fear of oppression and lack of liberty crumbles in the face of this perfect love because it is entirely free and only in this freedom am I called to live and worship. God is so good. For this, I love Him.

Well, Happy Mother's Day to all the women out there- Mother or not... and to my Mom, Bonnie and sister Hannah! I love you.

Here is the link to the title :)

Peace,

Party Time!

Heading off to an "All May Birthday Party Party", which should be fun because Amber will be there- her birthday is Monday. I am so thankful to God for blessing me with new friends and honestly something as simple as a place to be on Saturday night. I barely know anyone, but everyone has recieved me with open arms. Especially during this time when I am without David, God is providing community and connectedness. He is so good to me.

I miss David greatly and find my heart aching throughout the day in longing for him. Simple things, really, like missing his shoes, his voice, his smell, his smart-ass comments flood my mind with memories like a river overtaking a bridge. Companionship is a powerful force, it both brings me to my knees and propels me to the highest mountain.

I have no fears or worries that this time apart is not the good and right thing for us. Rather, I am waiting in expectation for what God is doing, for the fruit to be harvested. And I am learning, that with God there is always a bountiful harvest no matter how bad the season's drought or flooding had been. This is His promise.

Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees.
Hebrews 12:10-12

Peace,

"Whoo Whoo" the Owl calls

I just came in from sitting outside in the dark listening to the owls discuss something of great importance. I would love to hear what walls would talk about, but owls- now that would be fun.

The night ended on good conversation with two great women I have befriended, Amber and her sister Allison. We watched Seabiscuit which left us feeling very good and hopeful. I am thankful for these women, whom I have really just met, and believe that it not to be coincidence that our paths have crossed.

Vicki took me out to dinner for a girl's night, which was just what I needed. Struggling for most of the day to rinse off the residue of an OCD attack, or as I affectionately put it: "spinning" is exhausting and can be very disheartening when done alone. It was good to have her there, to talk to, to do the Four Steps with, to simply admit that I had been battling and needed someone to speak the truth with me. She of course was more than obliging, she was thankful for my invitation into this place of darkness and within the first sips of our waters, the panic and trauma I had been carrying with me drained from my body and crawled out the door scratching its head at how it had lost this one. The night carried on with great fellowship and enjoyment of how God does work ever wondrous and mysterious ways in our lives.

I sense this work even as I write because just as Vicki appreciated, welcomed and encouraged me sharing my dark hole with her- so too, does the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Infact, he would have it no other way. For this, I love Him.

When I woke this morning, I began the Orthodox morning prayers and stopped mid-sentence because the urge to spin was overpowering. I think it was a lack of sleep because whenever I am tired, the OCD runs over me like a bull-dozer. But, I hadn't struggled like this in weeks and I have been doing the prayers for the same amount of time. So I was caught off guard, and that is never good when dealing with the Imp of the Mind. Alas, I fell back asleep and had some dreams!

First, I was reprimanding, if not yelling at my younger self. I was holding this little Bethany by the shoulders saying, "I will be there for you! I will be there for you!" Then, cut to a window and I am standing, not my younger self, this is me currently, standing watching as the sky turns muddy black, the clouds furiously march across and a storm is brewing. Then the clouds come at the window like a train and I don't flinch, but just as they graze the window- someone, I think my sister, Hannah, pushes me away and I fall to the floor. But, enticed as I am, I get up and go to the window to meet this barreling steam enemy, and as the clouds approach, they pass through the window and come at my face, steal my breath as I meekly mutter the whisper, "Jesus". The wind is knocked out of me and I fall to the floor. And the dream ends. I wake up and ask God to explain.

So here is what I sensed from the Lord immediately following: I am not to confront my fears, doubts, or OCD thoughts, I am not to engage them, I am not to reason or spin or "try and figure it out". God is saying to me, "Tell me your fears. Come to me and tell me when you are afraid, when you doubt me, when you feel the panic, when your throat is being zipped up and your chest is in a blender. Come to me, don't try to solve this on your own. Come to me." I sense that only the truth can set me free, the truth in the Four Steps.

And as far as talking to my younger self, weird as it may be, I think there is something there of real importance. Funny how I have no problem showering love and affection on little children, especially my nephew, Samuel (who, by the way is the cutest baby ever), but I would not do the same for myself. Instead of affirming, encouraging and lifting myself up with the Truth, I find myself consistently negligent in caring for Bethany, in really loving her. Why is that? Why does it seem so foreign, self-indulgent, even un-Christian, to love yourself as much as you do a friend, spouse, brother, or child? Aren't we to love our neighbors as ourselves? Where have we gone wrong, and how can we undue this?

Along these same lines, I have often contemplated, "God do you feel the same way about me as I feel about Samuel?" I have never fully been able to really accept this, take it in and rest in this kind of love, but I long to and I know that He is patient. As one can see, He is opening my heart to this love, even now... for this, I love Him.

Peace,

Contemplations of a simple kind...

I am sitting here, gazing out at the back woods and Big Creek, serenaded by the flora and fauna, overwhelmed with the beauty of God and His fatherly presence.

If you haven't guessed by now, I am not in Kansas anymore, that is Glen Ellyn, but rather in Oz, or shall I more accurately state: Cedar Rapids... I do have my very own ToTo, that is, his name is Bounder. Alas, I am staying with some great friends of my folks, Mike and Vicki and their son, Zion (12) at their homestead in Iowa. I am here for at least 3 months, possibly longer pending my temporary work contract with Alliant Energy (the equivalent of ComEd back home).

I apologize for not keeping up with many of you as this news may come as a surprise. Having the internet has been a luxury for me the past few years, this is not an excuse for the lack of correspondence, but simply an explanation. Thankfully, my parents have given me an old laptop and my host has given me the use of the internet. So, I am wired! Thanks be to God for the blessing of wireless communication, now if only He would send an email ever so often :)

But that is just it, I want to share with you all how God is blessing my life in ways an email cannot touch. In the coming months, I will be posting on this blog the many great adventures ahead of me. Please keep in mind, I am new to this whole blogging bit, I am not promising anything mind blowing... just contemplations of a simple kind.

Thank you for stopping by...

Peace,