Awful of me, I know. I haven't posted to my blog in months. I am a sorry excuse for a blogger. Please forgive me, blogging gods and readers. Alas, I have returned, the prodigal blogger in an effort to better communicate with my community and contemplate together.

So the other night, David and I went to our dear friends house, Brian and Audra to celebrate the birth of their beautiful second son, Judah Kane. He was a week old and so precious while little brother Keenan, a little perplexed at all the attention given one so small and still. I surprised Keenan with a Tickle-Me-Elmo that brought a big grin, but by bed-time Elmo was on the floor with Keenan stepping on him to be quiet.

Besides being amazed at what great parents, Brian and Audra are with their patience, love and calm- I was really blessed by something they said in passing. Having Dr. Rossi as their pediatrician and obstetrician at Home First in Schaumburg, they were encouraged by him to "not to do anything for a child, that he can do for himself." This got me thinking... of course.

I walked out the door with this little pin-prick of a thought, "perhaps that is also how God is with us?" And it perfectly wraps up in a nutshell the truth planted in me this summer and that which I am living in.

God has spoken so much to me these past 7 months in Cedar Rapids, all lovingly pushing me out of the spiritual nest so to speak to fly on my own. And I have resisted, and resisted and begged for Him to carry me- to do the work for me. And His response to me has been "this is your salvation, Bethany, to step forward when everything in you says otherwise, to say "yes" to me when you're not even sure I am there."

I think just as a parent takes so much pride in their child's first steps, first words, even first poop in the potty- so does God (not the pooping part, of course). I really sense that He is proud of our fighting for our faith, when we have nothing left and choose to believe in Him- when we are disappointed and worship still, when we are grieved and choose to dance in His beauty, and when we are exasperated and choose to love.

With the terrible news of my mom's breast cancer metastatizing to her liver, ribs and spinal vertebrae- I look to Christ who conquered death by death. I am deeply comforted by Christ death in a way I have never been, and what a thing to say during Advent! The disciples were devastated, lost faith and utterly confused- while here I am rejoicing at His death because of His triumphant Resurrection, because our God not only knows death- but He has died, He has ventured to that darkness unbeknownst to us and come out victorious. I sense the Father saying to me, "Bethany, I have death covered, it is not too much for me to handle." And I want to take Him up on this, to trust Him with not only the death of my loved ones- but their lives too, my life too. That just as he can handle death, so He is able to walk me victoriously through this life.

And so that is what I am doing this Advent- saying "yes" to Him, believing in the darkness of life that He does love me and my family to the highest degree- that we have all His love, all the time- we have but, to look up and out, to speak aloud his promises, and turn our eyes to receive our inheritance with the saints.

Peace to you this Advent!